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IVF #2

Frozen Embryo Transfer take 2.

After the ERA test results came, we decided to go ahead with round two of an FET with the second (and only) remaining embryo I had. This is a CB embryo (compared to the last one which was BB), so I was a little concerned, but everyone at the clinic told me not to worry about the grading of the embryos. 

With my RE Dr. Rehman in the
recovery room after the transfer
Anyway, so with the second cycle, I decided to go under anesthesia because there was a lot of poking and prodding going on, including two water ultrasound tests I went through. I know the embryo transfer is a very non-invasive process, but I hate the feeling of the speculum inside me. I need to stop being too hard on myself, I thought.

On Saturday, September 15, I had the embryo transfer in the afternoon. The day before, I was at work till a little after 5. In a software company, the entire office is almost gone by 4 on Fridays, so I was practically alone on my side of the floor. From the 17th floor, I could see almost the entire Eastside of Lake Washington. A warm afternoon Sun was shining, I was ready to send the stuff I was working on for a code review and I just felt so happy. I don't know why, there was no reason for that happiness, but I felt that. And very hopeful. 

After the transfer, I tried to stay as normal as possible. Two things I did not do (that I did before) are - 1. symptoms hunting and 2. searching the Internet. Whatever symptoms I got, I told myself, they are from the hormone shots (which most of them are anyway), and for the Internet search, I just stopped myself.

Also, I told Arnab that this is like adding a new feature to an existing software. If the feature works, very good, if it doesn't, then also that doesn't take anything away from the working software. Yesterday night, right before going off to sleep, I had trouble convincing myself to not be hopeful, or rather to stop obsessing about the result. Then I came down firmly on myself. I told myself that this is something I am trying to do as an experiment. If it doesn't work, that doesn't change me, my health, my quality of life, or basically anything. I would still be the same person that I am today and the world (the Universe) would stay just the same. Then I fell asleep.

Today I found out that the embryo has stuck. 

I have not rejoiced. A person who has undergone a miscarriage and a failed IVF does not rejoice at pregnancy news (neither her own and definitely not of others). I am happy, I am positive, and I am cautiously optimistic. We have a whole set of tests lined up now, and I am going to stay cautiously optimistic for a long time now.

Final verdict is, you can't bypass science. 



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